Beyond ‘You have such a pretty face.’


At 38, I reached the saturation point. The place where I had taken in all the insults and disapproval there was room for in my head and no more would fit. What a great day it was…so freeing.

Here is the story about those final words…the first ever insult about my weight that did not sting. The words were so deeply insulting and ignorant that I saw in them the end of my need to give a damn what any other person thought about my body.

Picture a big social affair, me confident and happy, visiting with everyone, having a great time…until…some ‘well meaning’ man that I barely know, approaches and greets me with an assessing look up and down followed by a big hug and then, the classic backhanded compliment of “You look great! Have you lost weight?”

I answered with words that were dripping with irritation and were designed to end the topic of my size, my body, my business. I told the fellow that I was sure I had NOT lost weight and besides I was happy just the way I was.

He persisted. He told me that if I ever wanted to lose some weight, keep it off and finally discover what a sexy and beautiful woman I COULD be, he would be happy to help me find the right diet and exercise experts to help me.

Yes. Seriously. This. Happened.

The stupefying nerve he displayed was so absolute that the hundreds of  “You have such a pretty face if you just lost some weight” comments I had received previous to that moment could not equal this idiot’s assertion that in order to be more, I needed to be less.

He thought he was flattering the fat girl by telling her that if she worked just a little harder at dropping some pounds he would find her really fuckable. He thought he was doing me a favor.

Ah… to be shocked into reason!  The intention was to shame me with words disguised as a compliment. I have never flinched since. I have become an expert at one line retorts about how my body, my meal choice, the contents of my grocery cart, my selection of a dress with horizontal stripes, is just not something I am going to allow anyone to comment on.

Maybe it is the confidence I now feel about being exactly who I am that keeps the haters away. I wear the IDGAF as well as I wear the horizontal stripes.

I laid out for you my aha moment. Tell me yours.

I’m really interested in hearing your worst. Bring that hideous shit right out into the daylight and let’s talk about it.

Leave a reply and we can keep the conversation going.

Sharing it is one step away from letting it go.






About suzygaxiola

I enjoy a well-rounded life. Woman, Wife, Mom, Friend, Daughter, Sister, Volunteer, Writer. I have spent far too many years of my life feeling like a second class citizen because of my weight. Time's up on that story! I want to create a personal community of size. I want a forum of high spirited support.
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