Just Say It

Why is it considered good manners to conceal someone’s bad behavior?


I’ve seen a topic circulate on social media: If you wore a warning label instead of a name tag what would it say?  I guess you can put “Outspoken” on mine.

I have been called that plenty of times in my life. Sometimes by people who admire my ability to advocate for myself and sometimes by people who want to shut me up because my honesty threatens their own carefully curated world view.

For the record, I don’t see myself as outspoken, just…spoken.

When I was a small child and my grandmother read me The Emperor’s New Clothes it provided a meaningful life lesson. The little boy at the parade who pointed a finger and announced that the emperor was naked served as a great example to me. What in the hell was wrong with the rest of those fools???  I too would have just said it: Dude, you’re naked and while that’s fine and I don’t need you to be clothed, the fact is you are naked, everyone sees it, you are fooling nobody but yourself and I’m gonna tell you because apparently nobody else will.

I have never seen any good come from polite silence and so, I say it: from unabashed compliments, admissions of my own flaws, gushing affection, to hard truths about life as I see them, my dislike for a selfish person specifically, my intolerance of bullies generally, my desire for you to s.t.f.u. about your bullshit opinion regarding my life and what you think I might or might not need to be doing to live/look/eat/worship/vote like you.

I won’t sit on a board or committee or at a family dinner table and watch some selfish s.o.b. manipulate the group, mock an innocent, undermine good will, bully behind a smile. I won’t stay quiet about it. I won’t ever try to speak your mind for you but I damned well will speak mine. And if you think it’s rude I would counter that it is necessary. Maya Angelou is quoted as saying:”You teach people how to treat you” and I’ll teach you that if you intend to be mean and selfish you will find no safe harbor in my company.

“Biased” “Arrogant” “Meddler” Make no mistake…these people AREN’T going to put on a name tag for your benefit.  If I’ve been fucked over by someone, I’m gonna talk about it. If my sharing my experience doesn’t match up with your experience I’m not going to try to change your mind. I won’t tell you what to think, who to befriend and who to trust but I won’t keep my experience to myself under the misguided notion of manners. Nope.
It’s not an impulse I can’t control. I don’t have a blurting disorder. It is a choice I act on to create the world I want to live in. I don’t like people who treat me as a pawn in their game. I don’t like cheaters and swindlers. I don’t like narcissists and I don’t think it’s rude to use words to set boundaries.

So, call me out for being the cage shaker, call me outspoken and make me a name tag. I’ll wear it.


About suzygaxiola

I enjoy a well-rounded life. Woman, Wife, Mom, Friend, Daughter, Sister, Volunteer, Writer. I have spent far too many years of my life feeling like a second class citizen because of my weight. Time's up on that story! I want to create a personal community of size. I want a forum of high spirited support.
This entry was posted in Freedom, Independence, Life Lessons, Personal truth, Self esteem, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Just Say It

  1. Kellee says:

    Great topic. Experienced what you are writing about just last week. Still shaking my head in disbelief. Definitely bit my tongue but in hindsight, wish I would have been brave enough to be outspoken and call the offender out on their shit. Perhaps next time!

    • suzygaxiola says:

      Sometimes the moment of the offense is not the moment to address it…especially if you’re feeling wounded and vulnerable. There is no statute of limitations on standing up to someone though. You could write a really pretty thank you note to them, telling them how much you appreciate their hateful ineptitude because it taught you how to stand up for yourself, even if it is after the fact. Finish with: I hope this teaches you something too. If my words do not help you to be a more considerate person every day of your life then so be it but they had better at least teach you that I will never take it from you again.

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