A little beauty (and truth) for the day.
2014 was an extraordinary year for me. Lessons I had been learning, bit by bit over the years…the same lessons that came at me in many incarnations but I had not before been mature enough to accept…gelled for me in this fiftieth year. Summing it up: I am emancipated from voices of criticism and judgement. I broke up with them. We are finished, kapoot, done.
I worked diligently for all these fifty years to stand up straight as people picked at me and nipped at my confidence and tried to remove chunks of me that they disapproved of. I fought against those cruelties people often tried to sweetly disguise as “support” or felt it was their right by blood to inflict, but I didn’t ever fight particularly hard. I believed that gently discouraging their behavior would retrain them. I was wrong.
So… I gave my self permission to like myself WITHOUT other people’s approval. What a concept! And that was a great start to something beautiful for me.
I stopped feeling the little nips as acutely and the person that persisted in biting the hardest was simply removed from my life with an honest explanation that their cruelty disguised as friendship would no longer be welcome in my life. I wished them well and bid them adieu. It wasn’t as hard as I imagined it might have been. In fact I felt a long, delicious sigh of relief, one I am still enjoying. Freedom. Finally.
And I still find it surprising that an alpha female like myself, a no nonsense “Big W Woman” as my dear, wise friend, Carolyn Ward once called me, would tolerate this systematic tearing down by any “friend” or family member or a lifetime of them. I won’t waste time chastising myself for not demanding better decades ago but I will gleefully celebrate the beginning of a new personal era.
My life lesson does not have to be yours but if the issue sounds familiar to you I hope you are getting close to a permanent breakup with whoever might play that damaging voice in your life…nothing they take from you in the breakup can come close to what you gain by demanding better for yourself.
Painting by – Joseph Moncada Juaneda